Yo-ho, yo-ho the missionary life for me!!! -So I was all excited about coming to live at this farm/orphanage here in Palmira, Colombia thinking "Yes! Now I finally get some real time with orphans!" On short term trips we usually only have a few hours with the kids and when we do get to visit an orphanage it seems like the only question I ever get asked by the kids is "Do you have to leave today?" It kills me every time I have to look at the hopeful kid and say "Yeah I do..- but maybe I'll be back one day.." I was SO looking forward to being able to say "No! I'm here for 2 months!" I thought FINALLY my time had come! - Well I get here only to find out that there were not going to be any orphans living here for another year and we were only going to be fixing up the home and farm. That killed me! Especially after already being homesick for my Honduran family and half way wondering why I had to leave Honduras in the first place. The first few days here have been a struggle with my heart. I feel like most of my prayer time has been arguing with God. It's not knowing that most of what I'm gonna be doing is just cleaning and scraping old paint off walls and stuff like that that frustrates me, I honestly enjoy that type of work and would be happy to do it any day, but it's how pointless it seems after everything else I've been doing and with having everything I had planned to do in mind. ANYONE can paint a wall but EVERYONES heart passion isn't for the kids here. I know without a doubt my life was made for working with those kids, I KNOW that's what I'm chosen for. Lot of people are called but only a few are chosen. So I'm sitting here asking God -"Why have you given me such a passion for those kids but not let me work with them yet??" I feel like I'm a little kid that someone took to a candy shop, bought them the biggest best tasting peice of candy and it's the only peice like it no one else will even get to try it, and all the while the person is telling me how its just gonna melt in my mouth and how if I eat it how I'm suposed to nice and slow waiting for it to melt that it will be the best thing ever! But then the person said "Oh wait a second, you can't eat that right now!" just as i was about to put it in my mouth! I feel like thats what is happening God has me on this path and He is showing me all these different things about my life right now and He has made it evident in my heart what I'm suposed to do with my life and I'm the only one who gets this life everyone else has a different peice and to me none are as good as mine and if I am walking on HIS path it will be AMAZING. I feel like I was just about to get that first taste and then He said "Hold on there, not yet!" Talk about dissapointing! But then I realize, the work I'm doing now getting ready for the orphans and preparing a place for them to live in is really gonna impact so much more in the long run. I could have had my impact on a few kids for the 2 months I'm here and I would never forget it and then that would be that. But making this home ready for the orphans means there will be a place where year after year kid after kid is gonna come here and have a safe place to live and they will have food to eat, they will learn about Jesus here and grow up knowing there is SOMEONE who really loves them! This is gonna impact SO many more kids! I think sometimes CHOOSING to rejoice in the Lord isn't easy, especially when God has you in a place where in that moment you don't want to be. I know God chose me to be a missionary and the "Yo-ho, yo-ho missionary life" for sure is not all its dreamed to be, but it IS being able to live wherever God puts you and do whatever God has for you to do all the while being full of the joy of the Lord and to be able to see what eternal pleasures come from doing that. EVEN when it might not look like what you think you are suposed to be doing. Missionary life is saying "Here I am Lord, send me!" to anywhere to do anything, and I LOVE IT!!!
"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with ETERNAL PLEASURES at you right hand." -Psalm 16:11
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ReplyDeleteOur ways aren't His ways. He has a perfect plan for our lives. I'm definitely in the same boat where I don't know why I'm here at the moment; why can't I be doing what I was created for? Why can't I be doing what my heart wants and what I know God has made me to do?
ReplyDeleteBut it's the waiting that builds character. It's this season that shapes us into who we are in God. It's a growing season, and sometimes it's painful... like growing pains.. but we grow! And in HIS timing, He will open up the doors and give us the desires of our hearts. Think of how wonderful it will be when we can actually have an orphanage with the little children and we have grown in love and character and wisdom in God. It's gonna be worth it all!
LOVE YOU